sobota, 19. december 2015

Day 77: Bad mood or depression 3

Last time I wrote:  
I realize that know and think that I know is so different. If you know you know and if you think that you know, you don't know. In this time education is important and if person have a lot of schools think that have job faster, but not here. Here are if you have too much schools you can't find job because it, but if you don't have you don't find, because you don't know enough.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I do exam if I learn enough or not. When and as I see myself hope that I do exam if I learn enough or not, I stop and breath. I realize that only when I sit down and start learning and learn myself bring results. Hope is the most used word when you can't do or don't want to do something. But hope don't do anything if you don't do physically with you body. Learn is physically work too. I commit myself that if I must to do something I don't hope, I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I find job faster if I have university than if I have only secondary school. When and as I see myself to think that I find job faster if I have university than if I have only secondary school, I stop and breath. I realize that I find yob in both case if I look for job. If I be at home and sleep, none bring me job. In this time it's tough find a yob, but yobs are. If I want to find it, I find it. I commit myself that I look for job no only talk that I don't have job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that job came to me. When and as I see myself think that job came to me, I stop and breath. I realize that if I don't step first step and start walk and look for yob, none came to me and take me a yob. I commit myself that I move myself and look for job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if you have job, you have money. When and as I see myself to think that if you have job, you have money, I stop and breath. I realize that now you have job, but you don't have money, or you don't have job and you have money. You must know what to do, that you have enough for survive. But now I don't have enough for live and survive and I'm glad that I live in my parents house. I commit myself that I know that you must work a lot for money of be unfair.

ponedeljek, 14. december 2015

Day 76: Bad mood or depression 2

I remember that I want to die last 3 years since I collapsed and I don't breath a few second. Since there I know that now I live and next second I can be death. So I don't scare death, but I can't kill or hurt myself. I collapsed one or two months after I'm failure my school in university. I know that I collapse because I was so mentally broke.

Days, weeks and months before last exam, that I don't do it, I don't want learn for it, because I think that I know enough. I was tired and I hate all, because I think that I don't have life, because I help care on my grandma, go to the university and do what my parents want to. I was go to the university 8 years, too much for me. In real I think that I don't want to do this exam, but in same time I want do exam because my parents. I remember that professor say to me when it's all over, that I'm smart and some day will be something from me. I was angry on professors that they say to me that I don't pass exam. In this moment all fall off. A month latter I collapsed and since there I have a lots of moment when I say I want to die.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know enough, because I do exame so many times. When and as I see myself to think that I know enough, because I do exame so many times, I stop and breath. I realize that know and think that I know is so different. If you know you know and if you think that you know, you don't know. In this time education is important and if person have a lot of schools think that have job faster, but not here. Here are if you have too much scholls you can't find job because it, but if you don't have you don't find, because you don't know enough. I commit myself that I study since I know that I know, not only I think I know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I don't have live and I'm tired because I care on my grandma and help at home. When and as I see myself to think that I don't have live and I'm tired because I care in my grandma and help at home, I stop and breath. I realize that if I want I have life, because if I don't have time for myself this don't mean that I don't have life, only that I don't know what the life is and how live my life. Now I know that living is being in this moment and you can be in all the time, when you work or walk. I commit myself that I live my life each moment and not complane about things that I can't change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that 8 years of study is too much. When and as I see myself to think that 8 years of study is too much, I stop and breath. I realize that people learn all life and few years in the same school is no such problem. All is in my mind and when I want finish any school I go there and I finish, but now I don't prepare for finish it. I can't finist this school, but I can done some similar school. I commit myself that I finish some school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do exam/school because my parents be happy and proud on me. When and as I see myself that I do exam/school because my parents be happy and proud on me, I stop and breath. I realize that I study because of me not because of my parents. Each parent want that be their child be good in school and find job. I commit myself that I study because I need this, not because made my parents happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry on profesors because they say that I don't know enough and I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to be angry on profesors because they say that I don't know enough and I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that profesors tell me because I don't learn enough and I don't know what they ask me. This is only my problem. I commit myself that I be selfresponsability and if I don't know somethink I admit this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam. When and as I see myself to think that I want to die because I collapsed because I don't pass exam, I stop and breath. I realize that I start more often talk about death after collapse, so I think is this conected. I think that I don't scare to die, because I realize I can die in this moment, so I start exploit this word for search for attention. I commit myself to breath before I want to say that I want to die.

sreda, 09. december 2015

Day 75: Bad mood or depression 1

My last days are tough days. I think about death again. But today I must to work. I have holidays mood and I bake and decorate. When I do physically work I feel good, but when I calm down and start watch TV or go on computer I go in bad mood again.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about my bad mood when I have too much time. When and as I see myself to think about my bad mood when I have too much time, I stop and breath. I realize that I must breath when I have bad time and stop thinking how bad I am and how awful day is. I commit myself that I more breath when have bad days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think too much about death and that I'm without work again. When and as I see myself to think to much about death and that I'm without work again, I stop and breath. I realize that thinking about bad things bing me bad things and I go deep in bad mood and depression. But when I'm in bad mood I can't think about good things, because I don't see good things around me. The best solution is physically work and breath. I commit myself that I start work somethink with my arms and breath.

I forgive myself that I don't have accepted and allowed myself to work more when I'm in bad mood. When and as I see myself that I'm in bad mood and I don't work, I stop and breath. I realize that physically wok help for bad mood and heal depression. It works for me. But I must know, that if I work, I must only work and breath and don't thinking too much. When I work I must think only what I work and nothing else. I commit myself that when I'm in bad mood I start whit physically work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start think about bad things when I finish with my work and I go in bad mood again. When and as I see myself to start think about bad things when I finish with my work and I go in bad mood again, I stop and breath. I realize that when I wok, I forgive about bad things, but when I calm myself and go watch TV or go on computer I became bad mood or depressed again. I know that I feel something in myself all the day, but when I work I fogive on it, but when I don't work anymore I remember on it and feel it. I know that I can go over this feeling, but I know that I must find beginning somewere deep inside me. I commit myself that I breath and work and don't think about my bad feelings so much.

Continue in next blogs.

ponedeljek, 07. december 2015

Day 74: I'm incompetent

In this days I go somewhere to learn for work, but today I think that I came back, they call me that I don't need to comeback, because I'm not to good enough for this work. I must to say that I never work this. But anywayI feel that I'm incompetent. Whaever I want to do go wrong and I hate myself. I want to work, because I don't have money that I need. But if I make mistake I don't want money, because it's my mistake and I don't wnant that other people pay me for this. I have less that I can have. But in other way is this only way. I know that I must ask my parents for help. I think that I close my bussines and stop living, because I don't see myself in future.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I'm incompetent, because I don't have job and money. When and as I see myself to feel that I'm incompetent, because I don't have yob and money, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm capable for a lot of things, but I'm too lazy for work and talk with other people, and sell them what I do and sell them myself. I commit myself that I know that I can do what I want and money and job is not importat for be capable or incapable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with other people. When and as I see myself to compare myself with other people, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm unique and I can't compare with other people. Someone know less, someone more, someone do from hart, oter, because they need to do. I commit myself that I be unique and see myself like this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't know what I want to do. When and as I see myself to think that I don't know what I want to do, I stop and breath. I realize that I try to do a lot of things but in all things I'm not enough sucess to start learn money with it. Sometimes I scare to be sucess and I don't want to try and work hard for sucess. I scare be happy and have enough money. I'm scare be myself. I don't want money but I need it. I'm mess. I commit myself that I decide what I want in my life in try to be sucess in my job/work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I do too much things to be sucess in my life. When and as I see myself to think that I do too much things to be sucess in my life, I stop and breath. I realize that I can do a lot od things in my life and be sucess, because I do all what I want to do the best. But now I'm only try to do. I'm not the best with what I do, so I must to decide what I want. Only know a lot and be like now, or try more and be better than now. I commit myself to be better me and do all what I want to do with hart and do the best.

I forgive myself that I don't have accepted and allowed myself to see myself how good I am and what I can do. When and as I don't see myself how good I am and what I can do, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm person and I'm the best person in my life, this I am. You are the best person for you, but I'm the best person for myself and I must be happy because I am, because I live, I breath, I can help other people. I commit myself that I see the best in myself.

četrtek, 26. november 2015

Day 73: Bad mood or depression

One year ago I live my life in bad mood or depression. I was so deprressed and I want to die. Then I found some people who told me about DIP and I start with this process. In few months I see change on myself although I don't work on depression it help me. But now I feel that I go back in bad mood. I feel bad one month and in this time I again talk about death and kill myself. All in my life go wrong and I don't have enough money, I don't have enough bussines, I don't know how survive. I thinking about that I close my bussines.



So I decide I write series blogs about my bad mood or depression and I try to find reason for that. I know that will be so difficult because I'm in beginning of writing and I need some help to see ight points. But I belive in myself that I can go trought this and find where is the bigger problem for my bad mood, depression, laziness and other situations.

So ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I can change myself without I go through some situations and change my thinking about it. When and as I see myself to belive that I can chance myself without I go through some situations and change my thinking about it, I stop and breath. I realize that I must go though all situation that I want to change it. In the beginning it must work if you write about most important problem that you have in that situation and you solve other problems too, but if you don't solve explicite situation, you have problem with this situation all the time. I realize this in less that one year, because I have the same problem with depression like one year ago before I start with process. I commit myself that when I see poblem I go through problem I try solve it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay with go through depression. When and as I see myself to delay with go though depression, I stop and breath. I realize that this delay don't help me at all and I feel like before begining. I argue with all people that they don't think like me and I want arguing with people because I'm nervous all the time. I commit myself that I begin with going through all situations about depression.

petek, 20. november 2015

Day 72: I'm not good enough

Today I have lecture or workshop, where I talk about a few think that I don't know enough. So I send my presentation person who ask me for this lecture and this person say, that this is cool. I think, that they want to hear what I write. So today I talk and people start conversation with each-other. THen one person say me stop, that this what I talk is not what they want to hear. I start talk about other think, but my mood fall down and became angy and talk myself how usless and not good enough I am and I think, that it was the best, that I close my business, because I'm self-employed. I try to see somthing positive in this, but I don't se it. People say, that I'm so good, because I try to talk, have lecture or workshop, and talk a front of so much people.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I know enough. When and as I see myself think that I know enough, I stop and breath. I realize, that I have some pettern. When I don't want to learn enough I think, that I know enough and say myself that it's be all ok. But in real I don't learn enough and I don't know at all. And I think this yesterday and today. I commit myself that I learn what I must to know since I know enough, not oly think, that I know enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too lazy for learn, work, write, cook and other things. When and as I see myself to be to lazy for learn, work, write, cook andother tkongs, I stop and breath. I realize that this is not good for me, because stop me. I have a lot of ideas, but because I don't trying enough, I don't finish any idea. So I must try and go through this lazy seson, push myself that I be the best myself. I commit myself that I push myself through when I see that I don't want do what I must or be got to do.

sreda, 18. november 2015

Day 71: Money freedom

I live in my parents house, because I can't earn enough. I try to help them, that they help me. I'm not free. I don't have free choice. But no, not only because I live with my parent's, I don't have free choice, because I don't have enough money. Money is chain in my life. I'm not free because it.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't fell free, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself not to fell fre, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that you have less freedom that people in prison if you don't have money. Luckily for me, I live with my parents who help me. Sometimes I want sit in the car and go around, but I don't have money for gas. So I must stay home or ask them for money. I try to learn some money, but I don't know how. I commit myself that I find job and learn enough money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fell less, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself fell less, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that money is not all in the world. I know a lot of think and I can grow food for myself. I know a lot and I can make a lot. A lot of people don't know so much than me, so I can't fell less. In the end we all are people and better help each other that hate each other. And if I can make something, that someone need, that I can sell or exchange with him. I can survive without money. I commit myself, that I know a lot and I can survive with selling and exchangeing what I make or grow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unhappy, because I don't have money. When and as I see myself to be unhappy, because I don't have money, I stop and breath. I realize that money don't bring happy. People who don't have money are unhappy and people who have moeny are unhappy, because they want more and more and more money. So money don't bring happiness. The best way is, that you happy with money you have and try be happy because other things, little thinks. I commit myself that I be happy with how mučh money I have.

sobota, 31. oktober 2015

Day 70: Friends

A few days ago I was angry on one person who told me, that I'm his friend. I can't say someone that I know him/her a few days that is my friend. I can't say anyone that is my friend. I have some people can I trust them and in group of people I use word friend, but I have problem how to describe this word, what mean for me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I don't have any friends. When and as I see myself to belive that I don't have any friends, I stop and breath. I realize that I have a lot of people that I trust them, but I can't say, that is anyone my friend. But this is only what I think and belive. Reality is how I act and what tell them. I commit myself that I know, that I have friends, but I don't tell them friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empty when I think about friends. When and as I see myself feel empty when I think about friends, I stop and breath. I realize that my definition of friends is different than real different, so when I think about word friend and if I have some I fell empty, so I must look in dictionary and look what word friend mean and who is my friend. I commit myself that I use word friend more often because I look in dictionary and I know what mean.

Friend


[frend] 
 



noun
1.
a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2.
a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter:
friends of the Boston Symphony.
3.
a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile:
Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4.
a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5.
(initial capital lettera member of the Religious Society of Friends; Quaker.
6.
a person associated with another as a contact on a social-networking website:
We've never met, but we're Facebook friends.
verb (used with object)
7.
Rare. to befriend.
8.
to add (a person) to one's list of contacts on a social-networkin gwebsite:
I just friended a couple of guys in my class.
Idioms
9.
make friends with, to enter into friendly relations with; become friend to.

In that way all people who gave me assistence are my friends and people in same nation, party and so one are my friends too. And I have a lots of Facebook friends. Since now I think, that frends are person that I feel somethink to them, but this is only one definition of friend. So all people in the world are my friends and I must talk with them friendly and akt that they are my friends. I have a lot of friends, but I don't use word friend for them. All people in this world are my friends.




petek, 23. oktober 2015

Day 69: Cooking in public

I feel sick. I'm so nevous because I cooking in public in one competition. In this competition I must prepare some dish with some must use ingredients and some other that be there. I know what I will cooking, but I don't know if I have enough time, because I prepare the same dish at home and I finish in last second, but I don't doo all I want to do tomorrow. I have only 20 minutes to made dish. I cook in public and I cook on time, but not bouth in the same time, this is first time for me, and I hope I'm good and stable enough that I make what I think and I don't forgot any ingredient.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous, because I cooking in public on time first time. When and as I see myself to be nervous, because I cooking in public o time first time, I stop and breath. I realize that this is big test for me and how I doing under pressure. Each time when is something new for me, I'm nervous, but this time I'm really nevous. I commit myself that I calm myself with beathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that if I don't win is no metter if I'm the last. When and as I see myself to think, that if I don't win is no metter if I'm the last, I stop and breath. I realize that my chose that I cook in public is big decision and I winner because I decision go in this competition. This is for me big oportunity, because there will be some people who have cooking magazine and this was big step for me, that this people see me. I do the best I can and be happy in each place. I commit myself that I'm calm, stable and do what I can do in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous all week, because I don't know what to prepare, when I cook and other think. When and as I see myself to be nervous all week, because I don't know what to prepare, when I cook and other think, I stop and breath. I realize that I have enough time to decide what to prepare and I ask when I cook, because I don't know where to look. I ask for a lot of think and they told me. Now I must only look where I cook and go there and prepare how I know. This is so simple and I know all. Because I'm nervous, I don't sleep enough and I'm tired at day. I commit myself that I go to the bed soon and try to sleep fast, like I go in bed, and breath and don't think.

sreda, 14. oktober 2015

Day 68: Who am I- playing roles

I'm thinking. Who am I? Am I boss of my firm, or someone who look for job? Am I farmer or young person who look for fun? In each moment I play different role, but who I am in real. I know, that I'm only person, but why I must play, why I change dress when I came from shopping and go to the meeting, this is playing and in real this I'm not me. I try to talk with all people, but I understand with someone, but with other not. I don't try chat with all anymore. I think, that I am who I am in real only on web, where told all what I think, but not all. Mybe only in blog I'm real me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think who I am. When and as I see myself to think who I am, I stop and breath. I realize that this is a big question and I have more time to realize who I am in real, but now I know, that I'm person, who can told all about myself and want to please all people around me. I know that this is not possible, because someone love me, but other hate me, but this is not my problem. I commit myself that I try to be who I really am, so I talk, behave and do in way I know that I me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think what I am. When and as I see myself to think what I am, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't know what I am. Am I boos or someone who look for job, farmer or youg person who look for fun, mybe I'm something other? But I see that in real I am all this. I'm boos and farmer, I'm young person who look for fun and look for job. And this is not my play, this I am. I do all this. I am all this. But here are problem, because I play different roles. I behave differenty when I am boos and when I'm farmer. I commit myself that I realize what I am as soon as posible,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I play a lot of roles and want to please all people around me. When and as I see myself to think that I play a lot of roles and want to please all people around me, I stop and breath. I realize that if I behave in all situation the same, think and talk the same, in this moment I don't play roles. Yes, I change my outfit, but in my bassis I'm I, but only if I think, talk, and behave in all situation the same. If I try to show myself better in one situation, but in other I think, that I'm less than other people, in thai sutuation I play roles. I commit myself that I behave, think and talk in all situation the same and don't play, but I'm me who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can talk with all people the same. When and as I see myself that I think that I can talk with all people the same, I stop and breath. I realize that I can't talk with all people the same, because I can't tell all about myself to all people, because some information are private, and some people don't need to know all about me, what I do and why I do what I do. I want that people think how good person I am. I commit myself that I'm me, whatever I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to show myself in best way to other people. When and as I see myself to try to show myselt in best way to other people, I stop and breath. I realize that I can be only what I am, and I can't be other person who really am. I don't need to think what to do in front of other people, I must be who I am. I commit myself that I behave like I know is the best, but I must be me in real.

sreda, 07. oktober 2015

Day 67: Why me?

I live in farm and I'm oldest one. My parents will go in Friday to trip and I must care for cows in the stable. I asking myself why me, why don't ask my sister who live in the same house too? I don't work there first time and I know, that this is not last time. Mybe I must move in other place and find yob where I work all day there, not at home. I don't know, but I know, that I must will go in Friday on the stable and care for cows.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate to go to the stable. When and as I see myself to hate to go to the stable, I stop and breath. I realize that I hate go to the stable, because I'm lazy and don't want work at home, because noone pay me. But this is not thrue. I can free live here, not need to pay. So I must work home to live here, because I don't learn enough money. I commit myself that I go to the stable and I'm happy that I don't need to pay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry on people around me, because I must go to the stable and work there. When and as I see myself to be angry on people around me, because I must go to the stable and work there, I stop and breath. I realize that this is good for me, because I know to work a lot of thinks. And the worst for me is if I'm angry on other people because I'm lazy for work. I commit myself that I go to the stable and do what I must to do because myself and animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare go to the stable, because I have a few accidents with cows before. When and as I see myself to scare go to the stable, because I have a few accidents with cows before, I stop and breath. I realize that if I be carefull and watch what I do, that I don't have any accident anymore. This accidents become, because I'm not carefull and move too fast and scare them. So if I move slowly its all be ok. I commit myself that I go to the stable and breath and think what I do, not what I must to do out of the stable.

sreda, 30. september 2015

Day 66: Be nervous

I'm nervous, because I don't know what will be on friday in workshop. I have had this kind of workshop a few months ago, but then I know how much children came, but now I don't know. So I must be prepare for 0 or 100 children who can came in my workshop. So how much ingredients I must prepare, because I will make with them Chocolate balls.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous, because I don't know if I be prepare for this kind of workshop and so much of people. When and as I see myself be nervous, because I don't know if I be prepare for this kind of workshop and so much of people, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm nervous because I think too much what will be if will be. I'm not in real and think only what I need to prepare for this. I prepare ingredients for 50 or more people and if gone before finish I do something else. I commit myself that I think what I know that I can change, nothing else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous, because I don't know how I can have all this people in wokshop. When and as I see myself to be nervous, because I don't know how I can have all this people in workshop, I stop and breath. I realize that I say person L for help and more wokshops will be in two hours in smaller groups. I have help, so I can calm myself and prepare all for workshops. I commit myself that I'm enough smart, nice and I know how to do this workshop that all be fine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think too much if I have enough ingredients. When and as I think too much if I have enough ingredients, I stop and breath. I realize that if use all ingredients too fast, I can make something else with them or use other ingrediets, because I have more types of them. I commit myself that I know a lot of recipes for kids.

ponedeljek, 21. september 2015

Day 65: Refugees

I live in Slovenia. In last time we are often in news. We are in the refugees wat to better life in north European counrtyes. Our country are so poor, that say refugees, that noone want to stay here, but in the same time a lot of people who live in Slovenia don't want, that they stay here, because a lot of people don't have enough money for live. People belive, that this people aren't poor, and came in Europe because some pay them and latter their faith expand aroud Europe. I don't know what is thrue and what isn't, but I know that I'm guilti for this too, because I don't stop the wars.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fell guilty for so much people are refugees. When and as I see myself that I fell guilty for so much people are refugges, I stop and beath. I realize that in this moment I can't stop the war, but in the same time I know, that I can stop if I don't aprove our politics. I commit myself that I think before I decide what I do and what I don't do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare of refugees. When and as I see myself to scare of refugees, I stop and breath. I realize that they don't came to me and kill or rape me or something like this. I look for exuse to go in the centre where help them and I help them too. I commit myself that stop looking for exuse and go and help them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for exuses to not to help refugees. When and as I see myself that I look for exuses to not to help refugees, I stop and breath. I realize that refugees are people too and they need help. One of my exuse is that I don't have enough money for help them, but they don't have any money, so this is not exuse anymore. I commit myself that I look my exuse if are real or not, and see if I can go without expose hazard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive almoust all news in media. When and as I see myself to belive almoust all news in media, I stop and breath. I realize that news in media are not real. Rich people buy media and they say like what they must to say, not what is in real. In social media are other cine of news, but the real is in the middle. I commit myself that I belive what I see in my eyes or from people I trust and not from media.

sreda, 09. september 2015

Day 64: Love and hate

A few months ago I like person A, but when I see what cond of person is, I want broke all. I belive him, but he doing and ask me what they want, because he know, that I belive him and help him and work for him. Too late I realize that he is not person what I see that he is. Last time I arguing with him and anoying all around us. I have reaction on him, so I canceled friendship on facebook and I wait that I look my reaction and later ask for friendship again. He say that one girl is better than me and this say to me, that we can't be together, only mybe friends. It was ok for two weeks, but now we arguing again and this isn't good for group.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like person, because he want talk to me and spend some time with me. When and as I see myself to like person, because he want talk with me and spend some time with me, I stop and breath. I realize that I like him but I don't know him at all. He was only cute for me and he want help me and this is all. I commit myself that I known people the first and then if is good for both, we go in relationship.

I forgive myslef that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous on him when I see him with women. When and as I see myself to be jealous on him when I see him with women, I stop and breath. I realize that he have men and women for friends and talk with them and was together and so on. So we never be in relationship, so I no need be jealous on him. I want only that he was with me in the begining, but I to late realize that this isn't posible. I commit myslef that I'm not jealous if someone that I like him talk with other, if someone want be with me, do in this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in scare when he say that he came to me. When and as I see myself to be in scare when he say that he came to me, I stop and breathe. I realize that he want came to me and know where I live and nothing else. This isn't want to do, because he like me or something else, this is only my perception. I commit myself that I don't think why someone do something, because I'm not center of the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when he provocate me. When and as I see myself to react when he povocate me, I stop and breath. I realize that I only think that he provocate me, in real he only ansver on my question or want comunicate with me. There are no provocating. I commit myself that I don't react in any words and when I think that someone want to provocate me, I only stop and breath.

sobota, 05. september 2015

Day 63: Me and dogs

I don't scare dogs but in last time I have problems with them. First time I meet my friend's dog. It was cind dog, but I have some scare on it. Mybe because I don't want, that dog jumb on me, because I have clean trousers and don't want that dog get dirty me. Next time I meet dog vhen I was volunteer in the kitchen and dog came in the kitchen. This is no problem if dog was not earlier swim in water next building where kitchen are, so I jell on him, that dog go out.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jell on dog, because came wet in the place where was food. When and as I see myself to jell on dog, because came wet in the place where was food, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't need jell on dog, only say that go out of this place, because they can't be wet inside. I must be tolerant on hm and people around me. I commit myself that I don't jell on animals or people around me, only tell with voice that tell what they must to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't like dog, because jump on me when I'm in clean clothes. When and as I see myself to don't like dog, because jump on me when I'm in clean clothes, I stop and breath. I realize that animal are live and they jump and run and want to known you and they do all this because want comunicate with people and introduce themself. So I must live them what they do and if they dirty of me, I can clean my clothes. I commit myself that I permit that dogs introduce themself and known me and if jump on me, I don't do panic because that.

I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that dogs who jump on the people is badly brought dog and owner don't educate dog. When and as I see myself to think, that dogs who jump on the people is badly brought dog and owner don't educate dog. I realize that dogs are like a children. You can educate them, but when meet new people can run away with them, or start cry and want to go to the parents hug. Dogs are the same. They can run and jump around, or just siting and looking around. I commit myself, that see dogs are like people and want comunicate with us.

ponedeljek, 31. avgust 2015

Day 62: Talk in foreign language

My mother language is Slovenian and last week I speak a lot of in foreign language, in English. I learn English eight years, but I don't know enough to talk with other if someone in group know my language and English and I want to translate me. But last week I was volunteer and I must to talk in English because there are people all over the world. I must talk with them and told them where is what and other things. I go over myself and in the end of week I talk in mixed group (with who understand my language and who don't understand) in English, because it easier and faster. I don't scare if I made some mistake, because I know, that they understand me.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be affraid to talk in other language if someone know my and other language. I affraid, because I don't belive in myself and my know of language. I don't trust myself that I can conversation with other people in foregin language and I know enough for this. In this week I see that I know enought for normal conversation and I begin belive in myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to belive in myself and my speaking of foreign language. I realize that if I push myself through my affraids, that I became relaxed and I can talk with other in English if someone know my language or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apologise to other people for my bad language. When I talk with one girl she say, that you know how dificult is when you learn new language and you don't know enough. So all people who are learn other language know how hard it is and understand you and help you. Each person must learn and noone know all, so we learn all life and still don't know all.

sreda, 19. avgust 2015

Day 61: Ignore

In last blog I wrote that I become angry, because I think, that people ignore me, because they talk when I want to talk. In the end I realize that I had my microphone on mute. But this word, ignore, can mean a lot. Each person I think are ignore someone. But this isn't all. Each person ignore thyself too. Most banal situation is when you must go to the toalete, but you wait and wait and in the end you must to go on all fours. This is ignoring thyself too.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I never ignor noone, because I talk with all people and listen them, but if I think, I don't listen all, only people that I want to listen it. I don't listen people who need my help, because I think, that I don't have money, time or material things that help them, but I can help other people in the other way too. I can listen them and tell other people their story and other people can help them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that I never ignor myself, but this isn't thrue. I don't listen my body when something hurt me, I don't listen myself when I must go to the toalete, bu t I don't go, because I'm too lazy and in the end I came to toalete in last second, I don't listen my body when I'm hungry or I'm full. I realy don't listen and ignore my physical body what they want and need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that ignore mean that other people don't listen you. In primary school my schoolmate ignore me, because they don't want talk with me and because it, I'm be alone all the time. They be and talk with me, because they must conversation with me, but they listen me, but mybe they don't hear me what I want tell them. A few years ago they say me, that I behave/act too mature for them, so they don't want socialize with me. Because this I learn live with myself and don't fell alone in group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive, that ignore someone is when you listen people, but they don't hear it or when someone want to tell you somethink, but you go away, because you don't want listen what they want to tell you, or you see person who need some help, but you don't want to help this person. But this is only one parth of ignoring. But all part of ignoring hurt people who been ignored.

nedelja, 16. avgust 2015

Day 60: Talk with ...

I have Skype chat with some people and I do something. In the middle of conversation I mute my microphone and forgot, that do this. In the end I want to say something, but noone don't want hear me. What is wrong, why all ignore me? I want say something. I start to swear, because I became angry on all of people in conversation. All say bye and I realize, that I have my michrophone in mute.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry to other people, because I think, that they ignore me, but they can't hear me, because I have microphone on mute. When and as I see myself be angry on other people, because I think, that they  ignore me, but they can't hear me, because I have microphone on mute, I stop and breath. I realize that I became angry on them, because I think, that they heare me and ignore me, but I didn't look why they ignore me in real. In the end I see where is problem and see, that all is my quilty. I commit myself, that I look why they ignore me and see if problem is in my side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start swear because I became angry on them. When and as I see myself to start swear because I became angry on them, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't swear often, but this time is my angry so big. I don't remember what words I use, but I happy now, that they don't hear it. But better will be, if I don't use any words and only breath and calm myself. I commit myself, that if I think, that other people ignore me, I turn and go away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that I offend people who ignore me, if I say some unsuitable words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words that I think is unsuitable words or swearing words, but any words isn't in dictionary labelled that this is word for swear or is unsuitable words. Only people see this cind of words. Word is only word and in dictionary isn't write that you must fell something if you say or hear any word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry on myself when I realize where is problem, because I don't realize this sooner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be happy, because noone hear what I say, because I fell embarrased if they hear me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to yell when I swear, because I'm so angry and don't see what is doing on.

nedelja, 09. avgust 2015

Day 59: To bake pastry

This days I bake a lot. In the begining I help my mum bake for wedding and later/this week I bake for us, for birthdays and for some other celebration in our vilage. I prefere cook like bake, but this time I love to bake too.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love/like cooking more than baking. When and as I see myself love/like cooking more than baking, I stop and breath. I realize that this is for chefs different job, because some chefs only cook and other only bake, but I only love/like do this, so is good if I do both with the same love. I commit myself that I have cooking and baking part of prepare all menu.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bake this time with some positive energy, because I can bake next to one person with whom I other years have a big arguing about baking, who bake and what to bake and why not, but this year I agree what this person say and I do this, help this person with bake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous other time and because this my fell I start arguing and yell and all go wrong, but this year I'm so calm and all go right, we can conversation in calm and all is peacefull and easy to work.

četrtek, 30. julij 2015

Day 58: Birthday wishes

Happy bithday. Each year the same. And I hate this wihes, because birthday is day like each other day. Nothing important, only one year older we are. We don't do anything for this day, our mothers are, but all regrats have ourself, not our mothers.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that birthday is so important day, but in real is day like other days and nothing more or less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry on people who want wish me for birthday, but with the time I realize that this is not important and if someone wish me for my birthday, I say simple thank you and live my life and I'm not angry on anyone, because other people don't know, that I hate this, but in the same time, I wish that all wish me when I have birthday.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to don't know what I realy wish for myself, that they wish me or not and this is only my problem, so the best is, that I know, and allow all of them, who want wish me, that do this and who don't want I know, that is good too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live each day the same, because each day is equal and if you have birthay or not is the same and I must work or doing other think.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be what I am and don't pretend what I'm not. I'm like attention, but I don't like too much attention. I like peace around me too, but sometimes I want be with croud. And this is me, but I can change this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that only important days is that days when you do something important, like start walk, talk, you go to the school, you do something important, you learn some impotant, not only be one year older, but each day is the same important and unigue, because each day you learn something new.

petek, 24. julij 2015

Day 57: Lies, lies, lies

I'm Ok, I fell good, i'm change myself, I live,.. I lie myself. Some days I fell Ok, but other days I fell bad for almoust no reason. Mybe are hormons, mybe is my mind, mybe I want to be bad mood. I lie myself when I post blog on forum and look when take some comment. Or when I post my blogs on facebook page or groups. I look when someone touch button LIKE, because it mean to me so much. But I lie myself that  I do this for myself. So why I want to other see what I write and tell me if I write correct or wrong? This is not metter in real. More important is that I write, but I don't write enough. I don't tell enough SF, I don't breath enough. I so lazy and I lie myself.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see what I do wrong but not change my attitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know what I can change, but I do the same again and again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect some reaction from other people, because I don't belive in myself and I need confirmation from other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive, that if some people like my blog that they read it, but I know, that most people like because raiting, so like all blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive when I told myself that I lie myself when I do something that I don't need to do, or be better if I don't do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know, that if I told myself that I lie, that is not good for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see what problem I have, but nothing to do that I change in better way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy and don't want to do anything, because I think that one day be better.

petek, 17. julij 2015

Day 56: Gift for writing

Recently I write a lot. I write a few different blogs in two language, but most of people reading my blogs in my mother language. A few of them, that read it say to me, that I have talent for writing, but I don't belive them. In primary school my mum write my essays, because I'm to bad in it. Latter I start writing myself and each year was better.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so lazy for writing, that someone write essays instead of me and I only re-write in my notebook, but in that way I learn writing too, but this isn't fair for her.

I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not to try write better my essays at home for school, because this is my homework and I must do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that I don't write enough good for school, if one person at home say that this isn't good enough for school, for that reason next time I don't want try wrote better, because I know, that this person write again like this person want and think is the best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exploit this person for writing, because this person write better than me and each time I must read what is writen and this person say to me, that expect, that next time I write like this, but I don't want to do this.

I forgive myself that I don't have accepted and allowed myself to belive people who now told me that I have talent for writing, because I think, that I still don't write enough good like when I was in school, but now write a lot and they read my blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that all I was write is ok, but I don't belive that I have talent, because I write really a lot and all what I write is normal for me, because I write about myself and this is so easy for write and don't need talent for that.

četrtek, 09. julij 2015

Day 55: Lucky day

A few years ago I realize that I have lucky in that day. All went wrong, but all is good in the end of the day. So I decide that 9th day at month is my lucky day. I belive in that.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that one day in the month is my lucky day. When and as I see myself belive that one day in the month is my lucky day, I stop and breath. I realize that all days are lucky the same. I commit myself that each day are the same lucky.

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to decide that some day is more important than other, because I had a few events that happened to me on the same day in different months that I defined/perceived as being lucky and so connected with the number of the day, as if that number has somthing to do with the events.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify that 9th day is my lucky day with my memory of an event that I have perceived as lucky, not realizing that that or similar event could have happen on any other day and so it has nothing to do with the number of the day as day numbers is what humans made up.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize that by deciding that only 9th day is my lucky day, I with this actually decided that all other days all not lucky for me and so with this belief actually manifested the experience for myself where I would feel unlucky on all other days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define some events as lucky because they are reare, but other events which is more often is normal, not lucky at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that have lucky is posible, but if you do all the best way you can, one day must be all good.

torek, 23. junij 2015

Day 54: Work

I love to cook, so I decide to teach other to cooking. I have workshops at home. But this is my wish in real I don't have any work, because I don't have any customer. I talk with some people, but in the end nothing came to the end. I have only one workshop with children a two week ago. This is my first and last workshop. I have FB page too, and there are more than 2,400 likes. So where are problems? Mybe because I affraid that I don't know enouh about cooking.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be affraid that I don't know enough for teach adults cooking. When and as I see myself to be affraid that I don't know enough for teach adults cooking, I stop and breath. I realize that some persons don't know to cook. How old is not important. I know enough to teach other cooking. I commit myself that I belive in myself that I know enough to teach other to cook.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that I'm not good enough for teach other. When and as I see myself think that I'm not good enough for teach other, I stop and breath. I realize, that some persons know more than me, but other know less than me. But all belive in themself and they was succeed in their work. I commit myself that I belive in myself and I know that I can do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think negative and not be sure in myself. When and as I see myself think negative and not be sure in myself, I stop and breath. I realize if I think that it no go, then no go. In that way I prevent myself to success. So I must change my thinking and all go. I commit myself that I belive in myself and think that I can do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to try and do some promotion for myself because I don't belive in myself. When and as I see myself not to try and do some promotion for myself because I don't belive in myself, I stop and breath. I realize that if I don't do promotion, I can't do workshops, because people can't know me and they don't know what I have. I commit myself that I start do promotion for myself and my workshops.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself affraid myself and not be myself. When and as I see myself affraid myself and not be myself, I stop and breath. I realize that when I be what I am, and do what I want, that I can move, go up. When I think if is this good or not, I stay in the same place. So I must move myself and be what I am. I commit myself that I be what I am and I don't affraid myself.

sobota, 20. junij 2015

Day 53: Negative comments

I write two blogs, one in english and one in my language. In slovenian blog I have more comments than english and a lot of this comments are negative. They laugh what I writing and how I writing. I know that I can't react in that writing, but it's hurt me any way. People who write like this they not have any picture and only nickname.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be upset, because other talk bad about me. When and as I see myself be upset, because other talk bad about me, I stop and breath. I realize that is other problem not mine. If other people talk bad about me, that I know they hate themself or they don't know why I write this. But if they want to know, they ask, not comment in that way. I commit myself that I don't be upset and don't take this comments personalyl.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take all personally, because I'm public person and all people can read my blogs. When and as I see myself to take all personally, because I'm public person and all people can read my blogs, I stop and breath. I realize that I must know when I take some words personally, because they talk me and about me, and when I must only read it and go forward and don't think about words I read it. I must stop think what other people think about me. I commit myself that I don't take all personally and stop think what other persons think about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that all people around me think and talk about me. When and as I see myself think that all people around me think and talk about me, I stop and breath. I realize that I think what other people think about me. But other people think the same. What other people think about me. So, if I do what I want to do and be myself, no one notice that I do this, because all think about themself. I commit myself that I don't think anymore what other people think about me.

četrtek, 18. junij 2015

Day 52: Hormones over me

Once a month I have big problems with myself. In that time I was nervous and each word made fight with other. For all what I do, I blame my hormones. Hormones are guilty for my blotchs at my 29 years.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my hormones for my behaviour. When and as I see myself to blame my hormones for my behaviour, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm old enough that I can know that hormones can't affect on me if I don't want this. So always when is time to have hormone problems, then I be alone, write and breath. I commit myself that I watch myself and prevent my reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, that I can have bad behave when I have period and PMS, because in that moment are a lot of hormones in my body. When and as I see myself to think, that I can have bad behave when I have period and PMS, because in that moment are a lot of hormones in my body, I stop and breath. I realize that homones are all the time in my body, so this can't be excuse for my behavour. So I must be responsibility and know, that what I do are because I do, not hormones. I commit myself that when is that time I look myself and see how I behave and stop myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have bad behaviour. When and as I see myself to have bad behaviour, I stop and breath. I realize that I'm old enough, that I know, how to behave and that I can't be subborn, can't scream on other and other think. I commit myself that I behave same in time when I have hormone issue or not.

sreda, 03. junij 2015

Day 51: Caves

I love caves, darknes in it and colorfull dripstones when is light. In some case parents told his children that is some dwarf in it or some bad man in it and is not good to go in it. But this is because they don't want go in it because they scared. I love caves to, because is there quiet, you can be there what you are, noone tell you what you must behavour there, yes, they tel you that you can't walk in some place, you can't destroying etc. In cave I'm with myself.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fell better in caves than outside caves. When and as I see myself fell better in caves than outside caves, I stop and breath. I realize that caves is more important than other places. This is not posible, because all places in this world is equal. This, that caves is beautifull and so on is only in my mind and this only I think. I commit myself that I know, that all places in the word beautifull.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself behavour how I want in caves. When and as I see myself behavour how I want in caves, I stop and breath. I realize that in caves you must behavor differently like in other places. There you must be more carefull, watch what you doo, you can't destroying and damage dripstones and you must watch for animals which lives in caves. But I can be in cave what I am. People that I go with them in cave I know it and I can be real me. In caves is my behavour different like when I'm not in cave. I think like cave is my home. This is only in my mind. I fell ok in caves is because I go there alone, not with my parents and sister and where am in cave I became soon tired, but not so much. Because I'm tired I behave more decent like when I'm not tired. I commit myself that I know that my behavour is better in caves because I'm tired when I walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that only in caves I can be with myself. When and as I see myself think that only in caves I can be with myself, I stop and breath. I realize that I can be with myself when I want to be, not only in caves. Mybe is more quite and peacefull in caves, but I don't need this to be with myself. I can be with myself all the time, the most when I realize my physically body. I commit myself that I'm with myself all the time in all place where I am.

sobota, 30. maj 2015

Day 50: Search for myself

I realize that other people know me better than I know myself. I don't look myself where I have problems and what I must change. Other people around me, see me, because I ask them that they tell me how they see me and sometimes I'm surprised on their description how they see me.



I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself don't see myself and be surprised what other tell about me. When and as I see myself when don't see myself and I'm surprised what other tell about me, I stop and breath. I realize that I think too much. If I don't think and more fell my body I faster see what my body want and who I am. Other people say, that I open myself in last time. But I think, that I was always open, because I tell other people all about myself. But this is not this. Be open and told all about self is not the same. I commit myself that I look and see myself and see who and what I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that I'm open, because I tell other people all about myself. When and as I see myself think, that I'm open, because tell other people all about myself, I stop and breath. I realize that be open is when listen people around you and hear them and if someone ask you somethink, you answer, tell them what you think, not impose your option them. Be open for what you hear and what other understand if you talk. This is being open, not only tell all about yoursef. I commit myself that I listen other and only tell what I want to tell, not impose my option them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself don't see myself. When and as I see myself that I don't see myself, I stop and breath. I realize that this is only my think, because I see myself, but I don't see at the same time. I want change myself and I scare if I change myself. This is not good for me. If I see that I do something wrong, I must change, if I do something, that I must change, I do change. I commit myself that I see myself when I look myself and if I do something wrong, I change that.

nedelja, 24. maj 2015

Day 49: University

I went to the Universiti and I study there some years, but I don't finis it, because I don't made some exames. One exame I made 6 times, but each fall and for this is fold of my profesors. Since then I don't go near this buildings, because I fell bad near it.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fold my profesors that I don't do exame. When and as I see myself fold my profesors that I don't do exame, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't do exame, because I study too little and I don't know what they ask me. Profesors try teach all what we need to made exame and go to the yob. I commit myself that I go in the exame only if I know enough that I do exame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be so nervous, that I forgot a words. When and as I see myself be so nervous, that I forgot a words, I stop and breah. I realize that I start forget words at that moment, because I was so nervous. Since then I look myself and realize that I forgot word more often that before last exam in university that I go and fall. I think that moment is important only in my mind. I know that I forgot words before this too, but I forgot that I forget it. I commit myself that if you forget word is not so important, because each person can forgot it, if they in new situation or nervous, so in that moment I stop and breath and try remember this word or describe it, other people that don't know that I forgot word, because they don't know what I must to sey.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fell bad when I walk near  or see buildings that I study inside. When and as I see myself fell bad when I walk near or see buildings that I study inside, I stop and breath. I realize that is my memories and I conect building with moment that I fell exame. Building is only building, nothing elese. Is concrete, windows, doors, and other stuff that made for. In buildings is not fellings, nothing. All my bad perception is only in my mind. Building isn't fold that I don't do exame, only I am fold. I commit myself that I see the building of my University only building, nothing else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself finish all with university. When and as I see myself finish all with University, I stop and breath. I realize that I want finish my study, but I know that this isn't posible, so I must finist all conetcion with university and live my new life that I have it. I know this is in my past and there must be. I commit myself that I start cut conetion with university and start breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I fell less, because I don't finish university. When and as I see myself that I fell less, because I don't finish universtity, I stop and breath. I realize, that I'm not the first or the last, who fall it. I know, that I live without it and I learn what I want and I need. I live my life and this is more important than one school. I commit myself that I'm proud on myself, because I know a lot.