Day 46: I must go

Last month I realize that I do something differently that last years. Some days I decide and I go out, go around my country for some hours, day or some days. I don't care what is where I live, but I know, that all be ok, because other do what I do other days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fell badly, because I decide and go around and enjoy. When and as I see myself fell badly, because I decide and go around and enjoy, I stop and breath. I realize that I can take my time and enjoy, because I look for my grandma 8 years and I can live and go around. I commit myself that I go around more often.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself cry because I think about how I look for my grandma. When and as I see myself cry because I think about how I look for my grandma, I stop and breath. I realize that this is my decide, but I decide that I help my mum look for my grandma and I don't have time for myself. Yes, I go to the school, I have boyfriend, but I look when I came home, that I take her for eat and cook for all family and I still cook for my family. My mum came home late, so I cook for my dad, 90 years old men and myself, sometimes for my sister too. I commit myself that I live my life and don't think what was in past so often.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that my parents be angy on me if I don't cook for them and they will be hungry. When and as I see myself think that my parents be angry on me if I don't cook for them and they will be hungry, I stop and breath. I realize that this is in my mind only. I know, that they can cook for themselfs and if they hungry they eat. If I have something that I must to go, I must go, but if I go for fun is other, because I don't have enough money for fun and spend it in that way. I commit myself that I know that I can go, because I learn some little money with help at home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself think that I must listen my parents, because I live in their home. When and as I see myself think that I must listen my parents, because I live in their home, I stop and breath. I realize that is good for me and them if and when I help him, because I live once in this house with my partner and children. House is big and my help is good for all. In that case I help them and they help me. And I hope soon I can earn enough for live with my money and don't ask them for help. So each cent is good and help me, so if I go around I spend it and that is bad for me. I commit myself that I help my parents, I listen them, but I live my life how I want and how is the best for all.